she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
