i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
