i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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