Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
