there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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