My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
