I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
