i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I deserve this hangover.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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