i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
