there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
