I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
