So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
