i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
