Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
