I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
