I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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