I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
