U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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