My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
