No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
