If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
