please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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