So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
