Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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