No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
