Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
