How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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