my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
