Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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