dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
