His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
