she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
