i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
