I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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