The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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