i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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