I think I am morally bankrupt
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
