Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
