mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
