My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
