p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
