they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
