His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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