Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
