i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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