youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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