Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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