i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
