We're like a lot better than the average bears
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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