the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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