i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
